"You took my 'nads!" My review of Gentlmen Broncos

What a great movie. Don't expect anything too special in ways of cinematography or complex deep meaning in the plot. Expect really stupid humor and lots of gonad and poop jokes. That is what is so great about it! A movie that can actually show reality just like it is. A bunch of really awkward people behaving awkwardly, showing over the top quirks, and pretending to be someone they're not because who they are is just too depressing. Michael Angarano stars as Benjamin, a kid from a small town in Utah who is an aspiring Science Fiction author. He has written a novella based on his father and, well, yeast. And flying cyborg deer with lasers and missiles. He attends a scifi aspiring author's convention where he meets his one of his heroes. Jemaine Clemens does an awesome job as the self centered, extremely spacey science fiction writer Ronald Chevalier. On the trip he also meets some new friends. One a girl who quickly becomes infatuated with Benjamin and her friend who is a big time producer in his own garage studio. Intertwined into this story are live action scenes from Benjamin's prize novella "Yeast Lords" starring Sam Rockwell as Bronco, who's gonads have been stolen from him for some reason I still don't quite understand. I won't give away much more of the movie. I'll just give you a list of a few of my favorite scenes.

1) The hand massage on the bus (NOBODY! needs that much lotion).
2) Chevalier giving his lecture on how to make better character names (Broncanus)
3) Chevalier revealing the never before seen 47 alternate book cover art from his original series "The Cyborg Harpies", especially the mammary cannons shooting laser rain
4) Chevalier revealing the never before heard lyrics to the Harpie Queen's lullaby
5) Movie trailer of the love story between Benjamin and the crazy girl (Fatal Attraction anyone?)
6) The vomit kiss... need I say more?
7) Benjamin's new guardian angel arrives with the pooping snake.
8) Ben's mother trying to cram his popcorn car through the jail bars.
9) The alternate ending (Chavalier's version) of Brutus and Balzaak.
10) The final battle scene of Yeast Lords!

Finally, I saved this one for last because it is my favorite part of the movie, Ben fights back. Taking out the guy with the poop needle and punching Chevalier with the miniature souvenir pillow. It was nice to see the poor kid finally stand up for himself and those people important to him. Needless to say, I highly recommend this film to anyone in the mood for a good lighthearted comedy with a fun story and likable characters. By the way, I'll go ahead and throw this in because I was reminded of it by Lonnie's movies. There really are people out there that make movies that bad. Go here. I personally recommend starting out with "She Hulk". As for Gentleman Broncos, I give a 10 out of 10.

U2 Booed off stage in Utah is a false rumor!

I can't believe how happy I am. All this time I thought the rumor was true. For those of you not from Utah you may not know but there is a rumor among Utahns that during the War Tour in 1983, U2 came to Utah and was booed off the stage and for this reason there was a U2 curse. They didn't return to play in Utah after that concert until 1997. Well I am happy to announce, thanks to the comments from people who were actually at the concert over at www.u2gigs.com, that this is a lie! There is no Utah hate in U2's heart. Although, there is still the fact that they never play here. I mean seriously 5 concerts in 30 years? 5 out of 1,538 total shows ever? I mean I know Salt Lake isn't exactly LA or Vegas but you have at least enough fans here to sell out your shows within the first 5 minutes of selling. Here are a few reason why I personally think U2 doesn't frequent our wonderful state as often. First of all the only city that really makes sense to come to in Utah is Salt Lake. The highest population and if you do it anywhere else in Utah like say St George, you are closer to somewhere with a lot more people and might as well just go there (ie Vegas). Second of all, Salt Lake itself is relatively close to other cities with big shows also. California, Denver, Vegas, Phoenix. They are all car trips sure but hey some people go tour Europe with the band over a summer vacation like they were The Grateful Dead or something. Rich brats anyway. The stupid chick in Taken should have taken (no pun intended) me with her and not some useless girlfriend who would die after getting kidnapped. If I had been there they would have ignored us and we'd have enjoyed a month or two of great concerts. Anyway! Third reason, Utah has a severe lack of decent venues that are willing to cater to a large Band like U2. The only logical option for an indoor concert in Utah is the Delta Center which seats about 20,000. Problem with the Delta Center? Can't. Hear. Crap. This venue of basketball games has the worst acoustics for concerts. They still have many concerts there yes and when U2 does come this is where they play, but I almost hate to go to a show there just because I know the sound is going to be so terrible that most of my enjoyment is going to be from just being there rather than from hearing the songs. What are some alternative venue options in Utah? Well first of all, it is important to note that there are some outdoor venues in Utah but seeing as how they typically come around here in the winter, outdoor concerts aren't a great idea. They might still work though I mean look at the Live at Red Rocks concert. It was raining then.

Indoor Options:
E-Center (10,700 seating capacity)
Only half the seating capacity

Marriot Center (22,700 seating capacity)
OMG are you serious? That's even bigger than the Delta Center! Oh wait. BYU doesn't "do" concerts. In fact BYU doesn't "do" anything that doesn't directly relate to BYU.

Hunstman Center (17,000 seating capacity)
So what about our friends up north? They've got a basketball stadium too. I actually went to my very first concert to see Collective Soul at this venue. Of course I've since seen them at much smaller venues also. The only thing I see wrong with this one is it seats 3000 less than the Delta Center. Keep in mind that I don't konw anything about how much these venues charge bands to come in and play either. Could also be that with fewer seats and the UofU maybe charging more than Delta Center to play here that we'd be doubling the ticket prices. Maybe not too. I just don't know.

McCay Events Center (seating capacity 8000)
Saw Muse here. Had my graduation ceremony here. The sizes just get worse for indoor venues in Utah.

Outdoor Options:
Lavell Edwards Stadium (seating capacity around 64,000)
Definitely the best option. But again... BYU. The only way U2 is getting into this stadium to play a show is if they come for Stadium of Fire which would be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Rice Eccles Stadium (seating capacity around 45,000)
Decent second option. And hey they played here before during Popmart.

Sandy Stadium (seating capacity 20,000)
Yeah probably not doing it here if Rice Eccles is available.

Usana Ampitheatre (seating capacity 20,000)
This is a better choice if neither Lavell or Rice Eccles is available.

Salt Lake Bees Stadium (seating capacity 15,500)
I'm sure they could fit a lot more people out onto that field though.

Anyway, thats about it. U2 just doesn't like coming to Utah when they can probably make a lot more money by going to Vegas or Denver and just having us saps drive out there to see them instead.

Best YouTube video I've seen in a long time.

Ok thanks to Google Reader and my recent subscription to Glenn Beck's website, I present to you the current favorite YouTube video.

This movie had a LOT more nudity than Slumdog Millionaire but gets a PG-13 rating?

LOL! I guarantee you every 13 year old boy that saw this is absolutely obsessed with Evan Rachel Wood now. We're not just talkin' bumity, we're talkin' boobity as well.

I watched this because everyone kept telling me "Oh go see it! It has Beatles songs so if you like The Beatles you'll love it!" If I wanted to listen to Beatles songs I can listen to any one of them on my ipod sung by the actual Beatles and not a bunch of drama geeks trying to make them into some kind of soliloquy about how they are pathetic because no one wants to hold their hand so they run away to New York. What the crap was Prudence's story or point of even being in this movie at all by the way? Just so they could put in the blatant "she came in through the bathroom window" reference? That was another thing. Some of the dumb little references to Beatles songs were so lame. I expected a drum roll each time one was delivered. Although I wasn't completely against the characters being named after different songs, I was peeved that we didn't get to hear all their theme songs. We got to hear "Hey Jude" obviously and "Dear Prudence" when they were trying to coax little miss 60's self pitying emo brat out of the bathroom or closet or whatever it was. But no "Sexy Sadie", no "Get Back" (I totally expected Jojo to "get back" to Detroit at some point), no Maxwell's Silver Hammer (I was certain that he was gonna come back from Nam and go all serial killer, especially after the "Happiness is a Warm Gun" bit), no "Dr. Robert", can't think of any others currently. And what the freak was the deal with the whole Magical Mystery Tour out to the middle of nowhere where the Mr. Kite dude randomly shows up and gets everyone stoned and naked making out under water? That whole deal was about 30 minutes that the film could easily have done without. Let's see how well I remember the movie:

Girl/Helter Skelter: decent intro, nothing special
Hold Me Tight: I kinda liked the duality of the two main characters both singing the song but I can't stand that chicks synthesized voice. If you can't sing without a synthesizer you shouldn't be singing.
All My Lovin: just felt weird
I Want To Hold Your Hand: What the crap is this? Random girl singing as if she's going to cry like a baby about not holding someone's hand and then walking into the street.
I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends: I don't dance around like a ballerina with my dudes. These guys are flamers.
It Won't Be Long: fit well with the story, again don't like the synthesizer girl
Falling: The whole bowling alley dance-a-thon reminded me too much of Grease 2, I guess that may be what they were going for. This version doesn't even come close to the original though.
Let It Be: This was one of the few that I really liked. The gospel choir rendition was pretty good. I didn't quite understand the black kid singing and then being in the coffin. I guess he died in the riot? He was Jojo's motivation to run away to New York. Other than that don't know what his deal was.
Come Together: This was another well presented song. I liked the singer although I'll admit I'm not sure who it was. EDIT: Just looked it up and that is Joe Cocker. NO WONDER! He has already proved that he can own Beatle's songs. I mean be honest did you hear the Joe Cocker version of Get By With a Little Help first or the Beatle's version? If you're around my age and remember the Wonder Years then the answer will be Joe Cocker version. This is what happens when you get professionals to sing the songs instead of random wanna be singer/actors. That's why when The Who made Tommy they got Elton John and Tina Turner and Eric Clapton and other talented musicians to come be the actors and perform the songs. So that it wouldn't suck.
Why Don't We Do It In The Road: Sadie singing some of these songs made them weaker to me. Some were better but this was not one of those.
If I Fell: I really hated the way this song was presented. It makes it seem a lot more serious and sappy than I believe it was ever intended to be.
I Want You So Bad: Stupid. Yes that evil military is making all those innocent young men do terrible things. We should let everyone frolic in the flowers instead while terrorists massacre us. It especially bugged me that the uniforms that the military guys in this were wearing looked more like Nazi uniforms without a swastika symbol than an actual U.S. military uniform. And then the whole carrying the statue of liberty while singing She's So Heavy? Give me a break. Oh and I'm sure you really have to do your interview in your underwear. This was definitely made by lying hippies. Then finishing off with pathetic Prudence whining about not her pathetic existence again. At least her version kept the song in the correct context.
Dear Prudence: Love the song, hate this stupid character.
I Am Walrus: Sung by Bono. That is a plus. Still didn't really enjoy it as much as the original though.
Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite: Well maybe if it had been sung I could critique the song. Why was this in the movie and who the hell is that weirdo they got to speak it.
Because: I love the original and this version wasn't bad at all. I really didn't get the random naked floating bums making out underwater though... I guess they all just got really high at the Dr. Robert party and everything from there until they get back to New York is a total blur.
Something: Meh. Not bad but not great.
Oh Darlin: The guitar player needed to not take the song lyrics personally LOL. Not a great version of this song. Mainly because he was sabotaging it though. So it was bad on purpose.
Strawberry Fields: I guess this was a tribute to John Lennon's war film? I seem to remember something about him writing this song for a war film he was in or something.
Revolution: Fit very well into the story. The ending was kind of weird with his singing as he was getting thrown out.
While My Guitar Gently Weeps: Original is MUCH better than this. Boring.
Across The Universe/Helter Skelter medley: Why didn't they have Bono sing Helter Skelter? And why is it always a part of another song in this film? And what was with the dancing monks on the other subway car? You don't have to be a monk to say Jai Guru Deva Ohm. I just said it and I'm a white christian.
Happiness Is A Warm Gun: I hated this version of the song. The only good part was the hot nurses. Still not understanding why having some crazy person have a seizure in the middle of a song is considered "dancing" to these people.
A Day In The Life (guitar solo): This actually worked really well. I liked it.
Blackbird: What did this have to do with anything? Producers: We gotta have Blackbird in there somewhere. Lets just randomly stick it in right here.
Hey Jude: Saw this one coming from about 600 miles away. I guess it had to be done. Seemed a little shorter than the original though. I guess that is a good thing.
Don't Let Me Down: I'm pretty sure they got the lyrics wrong on this. I don't really know how I feel about the whole rooftop concert thing either. You are not the Beatles and you don't even come close to comparing yourself with them. Maybe I'm too harsh, they had to end the movie someway I guess and this was as good as any.
All You Need Is Love: How special.

Rating out of 10 I give this movie a 3. It has some decent enough moments but as a movie it is extremely sporadic and hard to figure out the storyline at times and there are too many non-essential elements that make the movie a lot longer than it needed to be to tell the story. Musically, there are a couple good interpretations of Beatles songs but for the most part I prefer nonproxy music.

Message of this movie: When life gives you lemons, it takes them away from you before you can make lemonade and squeezes them into your gaping wound.

SPOILER ALERT!

The tag line on the poster you see here is a lie and false advertising. Lines divided them yes. But as I am about to tell you the ending of the movie so don't keep reading if you don't want to know!!! We see in the movie that hope didn't exactly unite anyone. In fact if anything united anyone it was despair. The story can be summed up with the following... So naive german kid meets concentration camp kid and decides he wants to go live with in the concentration camp because he sees a propaganda film saying they play sports and eat cake all day. So German kid goes in with Jewish kid and they get routinely ushered to the gas chamber and killed. The End. What a wonderful message of hope! (SARCASM AHEM!)

I'm usually a sucker for tragedies, but occasionally I see one that just rubs me the wrong way and instead of feeling reflective or inspired by the story I leave just peeved off that the director/writer/whatever dare write a story where something terrible happens to someone that doesn't deserve it. This is one of those. It doesn't make any point other than sometimes really terrible things happen and there's not much you can do about it. Well I don't go to see movies to learn that. I watch the news to learn that. A tragedy is supposed to make the audience see the mistakes of the tragic hero and say to themselves "man what a terrible thing, I will never make those mistakes myself". Either that or the hero sacrifices himself to save someone else. I mean don't get me wrong. I understand that this is a film about a concentration camp in the middle of the holocaust and it is going to be a sad movie. That is not what I am talking about. I'm talking about the fact that there isn't really any hero in the movie at all other than the naive little boy who gets himself killed because his parents and country lied to him about what was really going on in the camp. OK we already know that the Nazis were bad and should be ashamed of what they did. Do we really need a story that exploits that point? I don't know. Maybe I'm the one being naive. Maybe I'm wrong. But honestly at this point I will probably noy see this movie again and I will be telling certain people I know who don't even like the kinds of tragedies that I like to avoid this movie.

Absolutely loved it. That is my final answer.

I'm writing this review before I read all of the "I hated it so apparently I'm unique because I hate anything that's popular" threads, because everytime I read those first I end up defending the movie and feel like I'm writing a personal message to those people instead of just saying why I did or did not like the movie. So here goes.

I loved Slumdog Millionaire. I am still somewhat baffled over the R rating. First of all as far as language goes I don't remember one single use of the F word although apparently it was used like twice. Which still shouldn't make it rated R because I've seen quite a few PG-13 movies that have used the F word twice or more. I do remember a couple of times hearing the S word. But hey its a movie. Lots of movies have the S word. Nudity/Sex: well you see a little kids bum and there's a scene where it is implied that a young girl is coerced into sleeping with a young boy. Ok well, I see that on the news everytime a kiddie porn ring is busted. They didn't show anything. They just imply that it happened. Blood/Violence: there is some violence and some pretty intense scenes but there is literally no blood or gore. You see people get shot and hit in the head with a crowbar and have acid poured into their eyes but you don't actually see any of the gore. Intense yes. Take a child to see it no. But I do remember watching an episode or 60 of 24 where Jack Bauer more than implies that he killed some dude by biting his jugular vein. I mean come on. Point = TV shows are more intense than this. Drugs/Alcohol etc. again TV is worse or equal to what was seen in this movie. I mean couldn't they have just put a Parental Discretion is advised instead of slapping an R rating on there just because it was made by Danny Boyle?

Wow. Ok rating rant over. The movie is a very charming story about two young brothers living in the slums of India who lose their mother and are forced to fend for themselves. It is also a love story about one of the brother's quest to reunite with a girl they meet who also has no parents. The way the story is told is interesting. We get to see the main character Jamal on the Indian version of the show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire answering all kinds of questions and at the same time he explaining how he knew the answers to the questions to a police chief who is trying to get him to confess to cheating. Each question leads to a flashback which is where the main story comes in. It is a very creative story and I thought very well crafted. While the actual elements are quite text book, (hero starts at home, goes on a quest, has adventures and whatnot, rescues the princess from the evil dragon, etc. whatever) but since when is that kind of a story not welcome? I like stories with happy endings. I don't think there is any hidden political agenda in the movie. I don't think Danny Boyle is naive or pompous or trying to talk down to anyone. I think he just wanted to tell an interesting engaging story about three very likeable characters who are trying to deal with life, but in a very different setting than a lot of people are used to. Its kind of like Oliver Twist meets Homer's Odyssey meets [insert love story here] in India. I knew what the 20 million rupee question was going to be from the second he gets whacked over the head with the book in the beginning by the way, but the predictability of the movie doesn't take away from its enjoyment because it doesn't try to present itself as a movie that trying to keep you guessing or surprise you with intricate plot twists.

Great there I go. I haven't even read the hater's posts yet and I'm still defending the show based on what I'm sure they are all saying. Well whatever. I give the movie a 10. It deserved Best Picture of 2008.

DJ Earworm Mashups

So I found out about this guy that does song remix/mash-ups and posts them for free on his site. I highly recommend that anyone who likes music (especially dance music but not limited to) go check out his site and download some songs. The link is http://djearworm.com/. I especially enjoy "Gimme Freaks" (Rolling Stones "Gimme Shelter" and Moguai & Tocadisco "Freaks"), "Intergalactic Human" (Beastie Boys "Intergalactic" and Daft Punk "Human After All"), "Together As One" (U2 "One", Beatles "Come Together", Diana Ross "Someday We'll Be Together", and Mariah Carey "We Belong Together", yeah...), "No One Takes Your Freedom" (Scissor Sisters "Take Your Mama Out", Beatles "For No One", George Michael "Freedom '90", and Aretha Franklin "Think (Freedom)"), "Lemon Lucy" (Elton John "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (Beatles cover)" and Lemon Jelly "Come"), and so many others. Now typically I HATE Hip Hop type music that rips off old songs and turns them into a rap song with a bunch of hoes dancing around in gold bikinis and crap but that is not what this is at all. Nothing has been done to violate the original songs in anyway. I mean some of these songs actually take individual songs that I hate and make me love them in context of the mash-up! If you like techno or electronica type music at all I'm pretty sure you'll like this (think Moby... kind of).