A sad sad day in the world of junk food

It is a sad sad day for me today in the world of junk food. My favorite childhood snack has been discontinued. I remember in the afternoons of my youth how many hours I spent sitting watching cartoons after school while enjoying as many Cheez Balls as I could stand until the can would be gone and I'd have to wait for my mom to buy some more. The greasy treat was so wonderful. I remember it was like two treats in one. First you would eat the balls, then when you were done you had at LEAST 5 fingers if you're a one hand snacker to lick clean of the great cheesy residue. You can still get a similar experience from Cheetos Puffs, but it just isn't the same. There may still be hope however. While shopping at Target, I saw a giant container of Market Pantry brand cheese balls. I don't know if they are up to par with Planters, but it was a giant container for $5 so I figure they're worth a try. I'll keep you updated!

Hyundai Rant

Let me start out by saying that in case the person who sold me my current car happens to read this, I hope that person or persons will know that I do not hold them responsible for any of the problems I've had which I am about to outline. I would have had problems with any car I bought and they frankly gave me a great deal on this car.

That said, I can not believe how angry I am with Hyundai right now. Let's start at the beginning. I bought my 2000 Hyundai Sonata in 2005, right after the warranty was up. And it would have been up anyway because warranty doesn't transfer to the new owner of a used car anyway. So when I bought it, there were two known issues with it: 1) the windshield washer tank was cracked, and 2) the brakes were squeaky because of dust build up (apparently a common issue with Hyundais). In the first months, I started to notice that the driver sun visor was very loose and would keep falling in my face as I was driving. Not very safe! I would often get frustrated with it and slam it back up and eventually I simply would move it to the side. Well one day as I was trying to put it back into position, the plastic piece of crap broke off in my hands. I had been meaning to take it to the dealer anyway to see about getting a new windshield washer tank and I had been, "experienc[ing] intermittent low-speed engine stalling" which I will explain in a minute why that is in quotes. So I took it in to have them run a diagnostic and give me a quote on how much it would be to fix all those things. I don't remember exactly but it was like $2500. And of course just the diagnostic cost like $80. But I asked them to itemize it and just the sun visor cost like $250! So I was like, ok screw that. I decided I could do without windshield washer fluid and I could just buy some nice sunglasses for $20. As for the engine stalling, I decided to have a family friend who has an auto shop take a look at it. He told me the engine stalling "could occur if the MAF (Mass Air Flow) sensor electrical signal is interrupted as a result of engine vibration transmitted to the MAF sensor connector wiring harness." Again the quotes aren't because I'm quoting him exactly but that is basically what he told me and I will explain the quotes in a second.

Let's start with the sun visor. I decided last weekend that I was sick of not having a sun visor and I knew of a salvage yard relatively close to my house. So I drove over and went in and told the worker that I was looking for a sun visor for a 2000 Hyundai Sonata. Without even checking or thinking about it he immediately said "I doubt it." He then proceeded to explain to me that the Hyundai sun visors, particularly the driver side, were prone to being pieces of garbage that just about anyone owning a Sonata has had to replace, and therefore, the pickins are very slim at the salvage yard. He told me I could check online or ask a dealer. Well I already knew the dealer's answer to the tune to $250! So I got online and searched for 2000 Hyundai Sonata sun visor and the number one related hit was 2006 Hyundai Sonata recall. I looked into it and the sun visor had been recalled due to it being a piece of junk and breaking off all the time. So now I'm thinking, why didn't they recall any other year besides the 2006 since they all seem to be having the same problem? So I called Consumer Affairs and all they would tell me was that there weren't any recall campaigns for the sun visor of my particular Hyundai. I searched and searched and can't find anywhere that I can get one. I would bet money that it is the #1 most requested part for Hyundai Sonata's on salvage and parts sites.

Onto the next problem, the MAF causing the engine to stall. Back to the future, in 2005 when I first had the problem, as I said I took it to a family friend who first replaced the MAF for $1000 and then when that didn't work, we ended up having to replace the alternator and all kinds of crazy electrical crap and then a few years later it went bad again and fried my battery. So with that history in mind, I found the following recall today as I was searching for information about the sun visor recall.

Sonata ELECTRICAL SYSTEM:WIRING Recall - ID# 10514

Recall Date: Sept 11, 2000

Model Affected: 2000 HYUNDAI SONATA

Description:
VEHICLE DESCRIPTION: SOME SONATA VEHICLES EQUIPPED WITH 2.5 LITER V-6 ENGINES AND ALL ELANTRA MODEL VEHICLES MAY HAVE EXPERIENCED INTERMITTENT LOW-SPEED ENGINE STALLING, WHICH COULD OCCUR IF THE MAF (MASS AIR FLOW) SENSOR ELECTRICAL SIGNAL IS INTERRUPTED AS A RESULT OF ENGINE VIBRATION TRANSMITTED TO THE MAF SENSOR CONNECTOR WIRING HARNESS.

Consequence:
THIS CONDITION CAN CAUSE THE ENGINE TO STALL, INCREASING THE RISK OF A CRASH.

Remedy:
DEALERS WILL RE-ROUTE THE MAF SENSOR CONNECTOR WIRING HARNESS.

Potential Units Affected:
165977

Notes:
HYUNDAI MOTOR COMPANY 039/040

Now you understand what I was quoting from above right? This is the exact problem I was having 5 years ago that I ended up spending thousands of dollars on fixing. So now flash forward to my phone call with Consumer Affairs. I've just been told that as far as sun visors go I humped. So I decide to try my next one and I mention the above recall and I am put on hold to while the guy researches to see if it applies to my vehicle. The reason the recall campaign does not apply to my car? I have a V-4 not a V-6. So of course obviously even though the problem description is exactly the same, it wasn't a product flaw at all and I get to live with having paid for it.

I don't think I'm so much upset about having already spent a bunch of money on fixing it, but I am kind of pissed off that with a recall from 2000 when the dang car was brand new, the guys who did the diagnostic at the dealer didn't even think to check it. Or even mention it to me so I could go and tell the other auto shop what the problem was and how to most likely fix it.

So, I don't think I'll be buying another Korean made car for a along time.

This is awesome

I'm not usually one to get into the mushy feel good videos that everyone makes about whatever one YouTube. But here is a video that I can't stop watching and smiling at. What an awesome moment.

Mayor Bloomberg? More like Mayor Stupidberg

Watch the brilliant deduction skills of another Tea Party hater. How stupid can you be to just assume that a terrorist act was perpetrated by HARMLESS AMERICAN CITIZENS simply because they disagree with Obamacare instead of thinking, gee, we've been fighting a war against Al-Qaeda for like 9 years now and this is the exact tactic they've been using the entire time (car bombs)! And not to mention the fact that it was parked outside the Lion King where thousands of innocent women and children were. Yeah that sounds like another one of those evil Florida grandmas just hating on the world again. Here's the link to the video... (Oh and yes I realize that I'm like a week late on this one...)

5000 Year Leap and Utah Primaries

I had to take a break from blogging there for a while due to finals and other stuff. I haven't had a whole lot of specific topics that I wanted to talk about lately either because I've kind of fallen out of the loop with some of the current issues and feel like I'm two weeks behind. Anyway, I was able to finish reading the best book on our patriotic duties and the principles our country is founded on that I have ever read. The 5000 Year Leap. I highly recommend that everyone read this book. Especially if you feel like something is wrong with what is happening in our country, whether you are conservative or liberal, and this book will help you understand why you have that unsettling feeling. Its how I felt about Bush. I wanted to trust him, but there was always that feeling that I something was wrong. And sure enough, but I woke up before it was too late to do much about it. And frankly, I still think I would have voted for him over John Kerry, but that's beside the point. The fact is that because I've read this book and gone through this awakening period, I feel like I can make much more educated decisions about how I vote and about how I define my own political beliefs.

In other news... Bob Bennett is out, Bridgewater and Lee are in. Now I've got to do my research on them to decide how I vote in the primary. Or I may decide to not vote in the Republican primary and instead vote for Matheson in the Democratic primary so we don't get some extreme liberal representing a bunch of conservatives. Sad thing is, Matheson will probably lose the primary, which means the Democrats will lose a seat because there's no way my district will vote for a Democrat that is more liberal than Matheson. That's just my opinion though, I haven't looked at the polls or anything.

Nailed my final presentation for my HP Project

I just had to come on here and gloat a little. First I'll give you some backstory. I'm in an HCI class right now (Human Computer Interfaces) and we have been doing a project for HP where we come up with an idea using sensor technology to solve an issue in the home, when then were to implement the idea into low fidelity prototypes and test these prototypes and come up with a final version to present for a concept. My team and I have been talking about our idea for a while and were not too worried about the final presentation until about a week and a half ago when we found out we needed two rounds of testing along with a final prototype, a video, a poster, and a presentation. All in a week! And on top of all this I've had three take home finals that were due today along with the presentation and an in class final this morning.

So we worked hard. We met just about everyday since last Friday until today to go over the presentation and the testing and do new interface designs and go out and test users. Since Wednesday we've been done with our testing and worked on finishing the video and poster and presentation. I was in charge of the video and the powerpoint. Anyway, we've all pretty much been hating on HP for a few weeks and eve posting death threats as our statuses on Facebook. I don't know if I've done justice to the stress level but I'll move on.

We presented today after 7 other teams. We showed our video and then presented our powerpoint to explain the solution more in depth. After about 8 minutes we had finished explaining our product and got ready for our feedback. On feedback, we've had two feedback sessions with HP throughout our process and for the most part they have been somewhat negative and critical, so we have kind of gotten used to the fact that they always want something more than they really told us and we got to a point where we stopped worrying about if they would like it or not. So to be honest I didn't care much if they liked it or not. So we got our feedback and something ensued that I did not expect at all.

"Best presentation that we've seen to date," was said more than once. There were three reps from HP and each one said that we had the best presentation so far. "You've taken our feedback and come up with a solution that sticks to your original idea but really expands it to something that addresses all the issues." "Your presentation does well of showing a broad range of ideas in a very quick and comprehensive form." When I they asked us about our experience doing the project, one of the things I mentioned was that I had never made a video before and one of the guys said seriously that I should go into radio, which I was taken a-back by. And then to top it all off, I tripped on the stairs coming off the stage and fell flat on my face.

There have been three more teams after us and while they have all gotten positive feedback and some of them are better ideas than ours, we retain the "best presentation" trophy which I am proud of because I organized it almost by myself while my team mates provided me with some of the images we used and my ID team mate did the entire look and feel of the poster and the GUI. So I feel pretty proud of myself. Here is the video I made if you want to see it :)

UPDATE: I wrote this before the end of the presentations and afterwards the HP guys chose the three best and ours was one of them. Awesome!

Best Order Confirmation EVER!

So I just bought some small zenball magnet things online because of a sweet video I saw and they were only $10 and looked like the kind of dumb little toy I would really like. Here's the video:

Anyway, so I got my confirmation email from the company thanking me for my order and promising me fast shipping etc. The usual. Then I read the following:

After a rigorous 4 step process of verifying the quality and consistancy of each and every magnet, we donned silk gloves and placed it into a sacred padded envelope made of magic and lined with Unicorn fur, sealed the envelope with an adhesive made from strands of Gypsy hair, and wrapped the whole thing in a snazzy looking faux gold leaf paper, with elm leaf inlay from Costco. Unfortunately, by the time it gets to you, all of that fancy stuff will likely have been picked clean by the greedy postal service employees. Please don't be surprised to see just a plain padded envelope.

I trust I've just made a very wise investment :)

U2 GA line treats you like a king.

I recently scored GA tickets to U2 at Rice Eccles Stadium in June and needless to say I am pretty excited. One of my friend's who is going with me pointed me to a blog post by a guy that has done U2 GA many times talking about the fun and the what-to and what-not-to's of the U2 Ga experience. Well this did nothing more than make me even more antsy to go. Anyway so in light of some of the excitement, I had a dream the other night about the concert (actually interestingly, I actually had another dream since then about the concert but it was not the main focus of the dream, I woke up realizing I was late for the concert was all).

I'm going to put down as much as I can remember about the dream. It started with the camp out. Except this campout was basically me and another friend trying to find the end of the line. There were a bunch of people around that night and we were waiting outside with a group before we realized they were all there to perform like a marching band routine or something. So we figured that out and left and entered the stadium where people were already being let in. It was a little different though. The stadium was HUGE! And like at least 70% of it was not being used for the concert. So we actually got into the stadium without showing our tickets and we joined the rush for the GA line which was off near the field. My other friends (who I am actually going to the concert with) were already inside because they had figured out where to camp so I was trying to hurry with the guy I had camped with to get in and find the other guys. So we're walking with the crowd to the GA line and we're passing like all these concession places and people just kind of hanging out and partying and suddenly my friend says, "so where are we supposed to buy tickets at." I look at him incredulously and I'm like you don't have a ticket? see ya buddy. But the weird thing is he actually does have a ticket but its not a GA ticket its a stadium seat so I'm like, well maybe they'll let you in with that or they might be able to upgrade you (strange how I am able to go from pessimism to optimism so seamlessly in my sleep). As we're walking my friend asks me where the stage is and I look out through the empty seats in the section we are currently in and in the distance I can see the 360 stage and tons of people already cheering and I'm like "there it is!"

So we get to the GA line and the ticket guy looks at me and is like, "Hey! Dyan Brown!" Dyan Brown is one of my cousins. So I'm like what are you talking about? And he's like I know your cousin. And I'm like oh yeah and I somehow remember having met him sometime. So he's like sweet good to see you dude and let's me and my friend pass. But my friend's all like honest and is like I don't have a GA ticket, instead of just going in. So at this point I'm like whatever dude you were too dumb to get a ticket and when you get in for free you go all honest so I'll see ya later.

So I ditch him and I go up this ramp that goes into the security station. But there's not really a big line. There's a bunch of people off to the sides all waiting to get in but they're waiting apparently for me and other people with GA tickets. So I walk up straight to the security people and they have me step aside to one of these booths where there are two concierge-like ladies waiting for me. So they're like welcome to the concert sir and they start treating me like a VIP. "Would you like some bags for your shoes in case it rains so they don't get wet?" "How would you like a new hat." So I get a new free U2 hat. Then for some reason I'm wearing a coat even though its summer and I've got tons of junk in my pockets so that it won't zip up so they offer me a silken sash to keep my coat closed. Then, they have like this duffel bag just full of goodies and fun packages and stuff so the one lady pulls one out and is like "how would you like this package" and its got like a bunch of toys and a stuffed animal in it and I'm like sure. So then I'm just standing there enjoying this treatment and I am watching other people around who all seem to be used to this and one guy is off using a punching bag like he's at the gym like this happens everyday and stuff.

Interestingly enough the dream ends there. I never actually get to see U2 in the dream. But, seeing U2 isn't what made the dream special (obviously) but it was the awesome anticipation and the awesome treatment I got. In the dreamstate, I couldn't have cared less if I ever got into the pit or even saw the concert because I was enjoying being pampered so much by the "security ladies". Anyway, it goes to show how the anticipation of something is often more enjoyable than the actual receiving.

6 - 3

For those of you familiar with Wii Sports Resort, you may have played the table tennis game they have on there. I also know that if you are like most people in my family other than me, you may not have obsessed over it like I have and thus, may not be familiar with an opponent named Lucia. Let me enlighten you. As you play and win, your Mii character goes up in level depending on how well he/she does. Once you reach about level 1500 and are getting so excited that you are about to get to level 2000, you are brought up against an opponent named Lucia. Lucia is a small freckle faced pony-tailed little cutie. But don't let her appearance fool you. If the devil can manifest himself as an angel of light then he can certainly also manifest as a CG Mii on your Wii Resort game. And when he does, he goes by the name Lucia.

This evil vixen seems impossible to beat. Many an opponent has cursed her god-like table tennis skills. She always is in the exact right spot for returns and always knows exactly what you are thinking so that she can trip you up. Gonna use your right hand to return from the right side of the table? Might want to watch your left shoulder there buddy! Lucia knows! She KNOWS! For at least the first 30-40 times I played her each match ended in a clean sweep of my pride and self confidence, not to mention points. I was convinced that she was invincible. So I decided to lose and take the level lowering penalty and hopefully not have to play her the next time I got to 1500. Yeah right. She lives right there at 1500. She has a special little title above her name that says "Champion". So I resigned myself to my fate. For weeks I spent at least a few hours playing her. Trying to figure out the right strategy to beat her. I looked online for help and found nothing but other despairing fools caught in her hell's grip of the ping pong paddle. I did however find some confidence in watching a few YouTube videos of people beating her and also seeing a number of screenshots of people's score after finally kicking her off her throne. And from there I knew that I would beat her.

For those of you who are in the shoes I once wore know this: Lucia is not perfect. I have seen her make mistakes. I have smashed the ball in her face. I have seen her bounce the ball over the net. I have seen her return before the second bounce. And I have seen her dive and miss. For weeks, the highest I scored against her was 2 points in a match. But finally near the end I had a match where I was above her by one point until the very end when she scored three in a row. I had several matches where I came from behind to tie up the game at 5-5 before losing. And I have beaten her soundly.

It was a Tuesday evening. I had been playing her for about two hours. This same day I had already gotten close to winning three or four times. And then a match started. Lucia scored the first point. I paused the game to meditate and calm down my muscles. I reassured my body to let my brain and instincts take control. I started the game again. After a minute of back and forth, Lucia's return misses the table. 1-1.

Lucia's serve. I am able to spin the ball enough to get smash power. After a number of smash returns I am able to smash the ball out of reach. 2-1.

Lucia serves again. Similar scenario as the previous. 3-1.

My serve. After a minute of back and forth, Lucia's return bounces on the net and misses the table. 4-1.

My serve again. More smashing and now it's 5-1!

Lucia's serve. She scores. 5-2. She serves again and scores again. 5-3. I pause the game. Meditation and prayer. Supplication to the almighty god of table tennis for strength and power.

My serve.

The ball bounces off an edge. Lucia dives for the return. It lands on my side of the table too far over for me to smash it off the opposite edge. In an instant that seemed like minutes my decision is made. I smash the ball directly at her. It bounces. It's headed straight for her. As I brace myself for her return I hear the slap. I see the freckled-face demon squint her eyes in fury. I hear the whistle blow and I see the red 'Miss' sign show up above her head. I fall to my knees in amazement as I see those heavenly floating music notes above my own Mii's head and I see the score update. 6-3.

I'm very angry right now.

Ok here's the deal. On Black Friday I helped someone I know order something as a Christmas present for their wife. I won't mention names since the person it was for might read this. Anyway, so I placed the order on Amazon.com and a few days later I got an email from Amazon with a shipping date, shipping carrier, package contents, shipping address, tracking id, the works. The item was being shipped via FedEx care of the other person we'll call him Bob. So after I got the shipping confirmation and was charged money from my account, I figured the package will arrive at Bob's place of shipping and I don't need to worry any longer as he had paid me for the order already as well.

Flash forward two weeks. Dec, 15th. I receive an email from Amazon which looks like another one of their spam things so I archive and don't really look at it. I get at least one every few days and I usually just ignore them unless they say "IMPORTANT!!!" or "SHIPPING!!!" or "CONFIRMATION!!!" This one says, "Information from Amazon seller blah blah". Nothing jumping out at me. Like I remember the dumb seller's name. Its not even for me and I didn't really buy it from them I bought it from Amazon. Shouldn't this email be something more like "HUGE NASTY PROBLEMS WITH YOUR ORDER!!! OOOH YOU'RE GONNA BE MAD!!!"? Anyway, so today something prompted me to send Bob an email just to make sure he got the package that should have gotten there a week ago. I'm just making sure but I'm not expecting to get his response saying he didn't ever get it. I do a search on my emails where I find the email I mentioned which is telling me the following:

Hello from Amazon.com.

The seller of the following order has sent you a message. You can reply to this e-mail to correspond further with the seller. The message text appears below.

Order ID: blah blah 2s and stuff

* Item: 1 of blah blah blah

Seller's e-mail: orders@stupidseller.com

IMPORTANT: Amazon.com's A-to-z Guarantee only covers third-party purchases paid for through our Amazon Payments system (via our Shopping Cart or 1-Click). Our Guarantee does not cover any payments that occur off Amazon.com including wire transfers, money orders, cash, check, or off-site credit card transactions.

-------------- Begin seller message ---------------------

Hello,

We recently discovered that the item you purchased is no longer available. I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience. Unfortunately, the vendor provided us with a tracking number that was entered into your order therefore your order was in fact charged. This does not happen very often and again, I do apologize for the inconvenience. I can help you find a similar item (at a discount) if you would like or we can go ahead and refund your order in full.

Please let me know what you decide!

Thank you!

Stupid CS person

-------------- End seller message ------------------------

You may be wondering what my favorite thing about this email is. Is it the fact that I already got a message saying my order was shipped? Is it that the seller tries to blame the vendor for my being charged for a product that isn't actually for sale? Is it the fact that they even had an item list for sale that isn't for sale? Or could it be the fact that the seller waited two weeks to contact me and tell me that they didn't really ship my order? None of those in fact. My favorite part is the fact that it is now my responsibility to contact the seller to tell them to give me my money back for something I paid for and they did not give me.

"Would you like your money back since you aren't getting a product? The ball is in your court, now I'm going to forget about you unless I hear back from you by February 26th, 2010."

What do they think I'm gonna write them back and be all calm and forgiving?

"Oh its ok. I totally understand that these things just happen. I was so appreciative of your email and the fact that you said 'Thank You'. The fact that you added an exclamation mark really tells me that you meant it. In fact I'm so impressed and understanding that I'd like to buy 9 other things from you and you can go ahead and keep my money too. I'm just that kind of person."

I haven't left any seller feedback yet because the story isn't quite over (and I'll be sure to update you as well) but here is the email that I have prepared to send to them. I may not send it but it felt great writing it.

Subject: Where is my stuff indeed?

I got a message saying you no longer sell an item I already ordered and paid for. I got a message with a shipping date confirmation and a tracking number two weeks before you finally decided to contact me to let me know you didn't actually really ship anything. This is ridiculous. I would like my payment fully refunded. Honestly the fact that I even have to write this email and tell you I want a refund feels kind of ridiculous. I would have expected something more like a message saying that I was already refunded my money instead of something asking me if I want my money back or not since I'm not getting the item I ordered. Gee let me think about that one... Why was the item even listed for sale if you don't sell them?

You're NOT Welcome!

(Notice the use of capslock and exclamation marks for emphasis...)

Brandon Burrup

http://sanpaco13.blogspot.com

And just for fun, this is the kind of email I actually kind of expect to get when this kind of thing happens.

Subject: IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM STUPID SELLER WHO MESSED UP YOUR ORDER FROM AMAZON!!!

Dear Brandon (valued customer),

Oh man we really screwed up. We just figured out that you were charged for something that we actually no longer sell. We are so sorry for our mistake and especially that it took us so long to catch it and we are willing to go to all lengths to fix it. We have already credited your account with a full refund but would like to also offer you an alternative option to what you ordered. Because of our mistake we are willing to send you one of the following items free of charge and with free overnight shipping.

(list of items almost exactly like what I ordered goes here)

Please let me know which one you would like. Your business is extremely important to us. You can contact me directly at my personal number 888-555-5555 anytime of the day or night. Feel free to call me collect as well. Again I can't say enough how sorry I am for the inconvenience and I hope you have a better experience with us in the future.

Sincerely,

Person in charge of orders at Stupid Company (not some peon idiot who doesn't really care about your order and is just earning money for night school)

"You took my 'nads!" My review of Gentlmen Broncos

What a great movie. Don't expect anything too special in ways of cinematography or complex deep meaning in the plot. Expect really stupid humor and lots of gonad and poop jokes. That is what is so great about it! A movie that can actually show reality just like it is. A bunch of really awkward people behaving awkwardly, showing over the top quirks, and pretending to be someone they're not because who they are is just too depressing. Michael Angarano stars as Benjamin, a kid from a small town in Utah who is an aspiring Science Fiction author. He has written a novella based on his father and, well, yeast. And flying cyborg deer with lasers and missiles. He attends a scifi aspiring author's convention where he meets his one of his heroes. Jemaine Clemens does an awesome job as the self centered, extremely spacey science fiction writer Ronald Chevalier. On the trip he also meets some new friends. One a girl who quickly becomes infatuated with Benjamin and her friend who is a big time producer in his own garage studio. Intertwined into this story are live action scenes from Benjamin's prize novella "Yeast Lords" starring Sam Rockwell as Bronco, who's gonads have been stolen from him for some reason I still don't quite understand. I won't give away much more of the movie. I'll just give you a list of a few of my favorite scenes.

1) The hand massage on the bus (NOBODY! needs that much lotion).
2) Chevalier giving his lecture on how to make better character names (Broncanus)
3) Chevalier revealing the never before seen 47 alternate book cover art from his original series "The Cyborg Harpies", especially the mammary cannons shooting laser rain
4) Chevalier revealing the never before heard lyrics to the Harpie Queen's lullaby
5) Movie trailer of the love story between Benjamin and the crazy girl (Fatal Attraction anyone?)
6) The vomit kiss... need I say more?
7) Benjamin's new guardian angel arrives with the pooping snake.
8) Ben's mother trying to cram his popcorn car through the jail bars.
9) The alternate ending (Chavalier's version) of Brutus and Balzaak.
10) The final battle scene of Yeast Lords!

Finally, I saved this one for last because it is my favorite part of the movie, Ben fights back. Taking out the guy with the poop needle and punching Chevalier with the miniature souvenir pillow. It was nice to see the poor kid finally stand up for himself and those people important to him. Needless to say, I highly recommend this film to anyone in the mood for a good lighthearted comedy with a fun story and likable characters. By the way, I'll go ahead and throw this in because I was reminded of it by Lonnie's movies. There really are people out there that make movies that bad. Go here. I personally recommend starting out with "She Hulk". As for Gentleman Broncos, I give a 10 out of 10.

U2 Booed off stage in Utah is a false rumor!

I can't believe how happy I am. All this time I thought the rumor was true. For those of you not from Utah you may not know but there is a rumor among Utahns that during the War Tour in 1983, U2 came to Utah and was booed off the stage and for this reason there was a U2 curse. They didn't return to play in Utah after that concert until 1997. Well I am happy to announce, thanks to the comments from people who were actually at the concert over at www.u2gigs.com, that this is a lie! There is no Utah hate in U2's heart. Although, there is still the fact that they never play here. I mean seriously 5 concerts in 30 years? 5 out of 1,538 total shows ever? I mean I know Salt Lake isn't exactly LA or Vegas but you have at least enough fans here to sell out your shows within the first 5 minutes of selling. Here are a few reason why I personally think U2 doesn't frequent our wonderful state as often. First of all the only city that really makes sense to come to in Utah is Salt Lake. The highest population and if you do it anywhere else in Utah like say St George, you are closer to somewhere with a lot more people and might as well just go there (ie Vegas). Second of all, Salt Lake itself is relatively close to other cities with big shows also. California, Denver, Vegas, Phoenix. They are all car trips sure but hey some people go tour Europe with the band over a summer vacation like they were The Grateful Dead or something. Rich brats anyway. The stupid chick in Taken should have taken (no pun intended) me with her and not some useless girlfriend who would die after getting kidnapped. If I had been there they would have ignored us and we'd have enjoyed a month or two of great concerts. Anyway! Third reason, Utah has a severe lack of decent venues that are willing to cater to a large Band like U2. The only logical option for an indoor concert in Utah is the Delta Center which seats about 20,000. Problem with the Delta Center? Can't. Hear. Crap. This venue of basketball games has the worst acoustics for concerts. They still have many concerts there yes and when U2 does come this is where they play, but I almost hate to go to a show there just because I know the sound is going to be so terrible that most of my enjoyment is going to be from just being there rather than from hearing the songs. What are some alternative venue options in Utah? Well first of all, it is important to note that there are some outdoor venues in Utah but seeing as how they typically come around here in the winter, outdoor concerts aren't a great idea. They might still work though I mean look at the Live at Red Rocks concert. It was raining then.

Indoor Options:
E-Center (10,700 seating capacity)
Only half the seating capacity

Marriot Center (22,700 seating capacity)
OMG are you serious? That's even bigger than the Delta Center! Oh wait. BYU doesn't "do" concerts. In fact BYU doesn't "do" anything that doesn't directly relate to BYU.

Hunstman Center (17,000 seating capacity)
So what about our friends up north? They've got a basketball stadium too. I actually went to my very first concert to see Collective Soul at this venue. Of course I've since seen them at much smaller venues also. The only thing I see wrong with this one is it seats 3000 less than the Delta Center. Keep in mind that I don't konw anything about how much these venues charge bands to come in and play either. Could also be that with fewer seats and the UofU maybe charging more than Delta Center to play here that we'd be doubling the ticket prices. Maybe not too. I just don't know.

McCay Events Center (seating capacity 8000)
Saw Muse here. Had my graduation ceremony here. The sizes just get worse for indoor venues in Utah.

Outdoor Options:
Lavell Edwards Stadium (seating capacity around 64,000)
Definitely the best option. But again... BYU. The only way U2 is getting into this stadium to play a show is if they come for Stadium of Fire which would be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Rice Eccles Stadium (seating capacity around 45,000)
Decent second option. And hey they played here before during Popmart.

Sandy Stadium (seating capacity 20,000)
Yeah probably not doing it here if Rice Eccles is available.

Usana Ampitheatre (seating capacity 20,000)
This is a better choice if neither Lavell or Rice Eccles is available.

Salt Lake Bees Stadium (seating capacity 15,500)
I'm sure they could fit a lot more people out onto that field though.

Anyway, thats about it. U2 just doesn't like coming to Utah when they can probably make a lot more money by going to Vegas or Denver and just having us saps drive out there to see them instead.

Best YouTube video I've seen in a long time.

Ok thanks to Google Reader and my recent subscription to Glenn Beck's website, I present to you the current favorite YouTube video.

This movie had a LOT more nudity than Slumdog Millionaire but gets a PG-13 rating?

LOL! I guarantee you every 13 year old boy that saw this is absolutely obsessed with Evan Rachel Wood now. We're not just talkin' bumity, we're talkin' boobity as well.

I watched this because everyone kept telling me "Oh go see it! It has Beatles songs so if you like The Beatles you'll love it!" If I wanted to listen to Beatles songs I can listen to any one of them on my ipod sung by the actual Beatles and not a bunch of drama geeks trying to make them into some kind of soliloquy about how they are pathetic because no one wants to hold their hand so they run away to New York. What the crap was Prudence's story or point of even being in this movie at all by the way? Just so they could put in the blatant "she came in through the bathroom window" reference? That was another thing. Some of the dumb little references to Beatles songs were so lame. I expected a drum roll each time one was delivered. Although I wasn't completely against the characters being named after different songs, I was peeved that we didn't get to hear all their theme songs. We got to hear "Hey Jude" obviously and "Dear Prudence" when they were trying to coax little miss 60's self pitying emo brat out of the bathroom or closet or whatever it was. But no "Sexy Sadie", no "Get Back" (I totally expected Jojo to "get back" to Detroit at some point), no Maxwell's Silver Hammer (I was certain that he was gonna come back from Nam and go all serial killer, especially after the "Happiness is a Warm Gun" bit), no "Dr. Robert", can't think of any others currently. And what the freak was the deal with the whole Magical Mystery Tour out to the middle of nowhere where the Mr. Kite dude randomly shows up and gets everyone stoned and naked making out under water? That whole deal was about 30 minutes that the film could easily have done without. Let's see how well I remember the movie:

Girl/Helter Skelter: decent intro, nothing special
Hold Me Tight: I kinda liked the duality of the two main characters both singing the song but I can't stand that chicks synthesized voice. If you can't sing without a synthesizer you shouldn't be singing.
All My Lovin: just felt weird
I Want To Hold Your Hand: What the crap is this? Random girl singing as if she's going to cry like a baby about not holding someone's hand and then walking into the street.
I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends: I don't dance around like a ballerina with my dudes. These guys are flamers.
It Won't Be Long: fit well with the story, again don't like the synthesizer girl
Falling: The whole bowling alley dance-a-thon reminded me too much of Grease 2, I guess that may be what they were going for. This version doesn't even come close to the original though.
Let It Be: This was one of the few that I really liked. The gospel choir rendition was pretty good. I didn't quite understand the black kid singing and then being in the coffin. I guess he died in the riot? He was Jojo's motivation to run away to New York. Other than that don't know what his deal was.
Come Together: This was another well presented song. I liked the singer although I'll admit I'm not sure who it was. EDIT: Just looked it up and that is Joe Cocker. NO WONDER! He has already proved that he can own Beatle's songs. I mean be honest did you hear the Joe Cocker version of Get By With a Little Help first or the Beatle's version? If you're around my age and remember the Wonder Years then the answer will be Joe Cocker version. This is what happens when you get professionals to sing the songs instead of random wanna be singer/actors. That's why when The Who made Tommy they got Elton John and Tina Turner and Eric Clapton and other talented musicians to come be the actors and perform the songs. So that it wouldn't suck.
Why Don't We Do It In The Road: Sadie singing some of these songs made them weaker to me. Some were better but this was not one of those.
If I Fell: I really hated the way this song was presented. It makes it seem a lot more serious and sappy than I believe it was ever intended to be.
I Want You So Bad: Stupid. Yes that evil military is making all those innocent young men do terrible things. We should let everyone frolic in the flowers instead while terrorists massacre us. It especially bugged me that the uniforms that the military guys in this were wearing looked more like Nazi uniforms without a swastika symbol than an actual U.S. military uniform. And then the whole carrying the statue of liberty while singing She's So Heavy? Give me a break. Oh and I'm sure you really have to do your interview in your underwear. This was definitely made by lying hippies. Then finishing off with pathetic Prudence whining about not her pathetic existence again. At least her version kept the song in the correct context.
Dear Prudence: Love the song, hate this stupid character.
I Am Walrus: Sung by Bono. That is a plus. Still didn't really enjoy it as much as the original though.
Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite: Well maybe if it had been sung I could critique the song. Why was this in the movie and who the hell is that weirdo they got to speak it.
Because: I love the original and this version wasn't bad at all. I really didn't get the random naked floating bums making out underwater though... I guess they all just got really high at the Dr. Robert party and everything from there until they get back to New York is a total blur.
Something: Meh. Not bad but not great.
Oh Darlin: The guitar player needed to not take the song lyrics personally LOL. Not a great version of this song. Mainly because he was sabotaging it though. So it was bad on purpose.
Strawberry Fields: I guess this was a tribute to John Lennon's war film? I seem to remember something about him writing this song for a war film he was in or something.
Revolution: Fit very well into the story. The ending was kind of weird with his singing as he was getting thrown out.
While My Guitar Gently Weeps: Original is MUCH better than this. Boring.
Across The Universe/Helter Skelter medley: Why didn't they have Bono sing Helter Skelter? And why is it always a part of another song in this film? And what was with the dancing monks on the other subway car? You don't have to be a monk to say Jai Guru Deva Ohm. I just said it and I'm a white christian.
Happiness Is A Warm Gun: I hated this version of the song. The only good part was the hot nurses. Still not understanding why having some crazy person have a seizure in the middle of a song is considered "dancing" to these people.
A Day In The Life (guitar solo): This actually worked really well. I liked it.
Blackbird: What did this have to do with anything? Producers: We gotta have Blackbird in there somewhere. Lets just randomly stick it in right here.
Hey Jude: Saw this one coming from about 600 miles away. I guess it had to be done. Seemed a little shorter than the original though. I guess that is a good thing.
Don't Let Me Down: I'm pretty sure they got the lyrics wrong on this. I don't really know how I feel about the whole rooftop concert thing either. You are not the Beatles and you don't even come close to comparing yourself with them. Maybe I'm too harsh, they had to end the movie someway I guess and this was as good as any.
All You Need Is Love: How special.

Rating out of 10 I give this movie a 3. It has some decent enough moments but as a movie it is extremely sporadic and hard to figure out the storyline at times and there are too many non-essential elements that make the movie a lot longer than it needed to be to tell the story. Musically, there are a couple good interpretations of Beatles songs but for the most part I prefer nonproxy music.

Message of this movie: When life gives you lemons, it takes them away from you before you can make lemonade and squeezes them into your gaping wound.

SPOILER ALERT!

The tag line on the poster you see here is a lie and false advertising. Lines divided them yes. But as I am about to tell you the ending of the movie so don't keep reading if you don't want to know!!! We see in the movie that hope didn't exactly unite anyone. In fact if anything united anyone it was despair. The story can be summed up with the following... So naive german kid meets concentration camp kid and decides he wants to go live with in the concentration camp because he sees a propaganda film saying they play sports and eat cake all day. So German kid goes in with Jewish kid and they get routinely ushered to the gas chamber and killed. The End. What a wonderful message of hope! (SARCASM AHEM!)

I'm usually a sucker for tragedies, but occasionally I see one that just rubs me the wrong way and instead of feeling reflective or inspired by the story I leave just peeved off that the director/writer/whatever dare write a story where something terrible happens to someone that doesn't deserve it. This is one of those. It doesn't make any point other than sometimes really terrible things happen and there's not much you can do about it. Well I don't go to see movies to learn that. I watch the news to learn that. A tragedy is supposed to make the audience see the mistakes of the tragic hero and say to themselves "man what a terrible thing, I will never make those mistakes myself". Either that or the hero sacrifices himself to save someone else. I mean don't get me wrong. I understand that this is a film about a concentration camp in the middle of the holocaust and it is going to be a sad movie. That is not what I am talking about. I'm talking about the fact that there isn't really any hero in the movie at all other than the naive little boy who gets himself killed because his parents and country lied to him about what was really going on in the camp. OK we already know that the Nazis were bad and should be ashamed of what they did. Do we really need a story that exploits that point? I don't know. Maybe I'm the one being naive. Maybe I'm wrong. But honestly at this point I will probably noy see this movie again and I will be telling certain people I know who don't even like the kinds of tragedies that I like to avoid this movie.

Absolutely loved it. That is my final answer.

I'm writing this review before I read all of the "I hated it so apparently I'm unique because I hate anything that's popular" threads, because everytime I read those first I end up defending the movie and feel like I'm writing a personal message to those people instead of just saying why I did or did not like the movie. So here goes.

I loved Slumdog Millionaire. I am still somewhat baffled over the R rating. First of all as far as language goes I don't remember one single use of the F word although apparently it was used like twice. Which still shouldn't make it rated R because I've seen quite a few PG-13 movies that have used the F word twice or more. I do remember a couple of times hearing the S word. But hey its a movie. Lots of movies have the S word. Nudity/Sex: well you see a little kids bum and there's a scene where it is implied that a young girl is coerced into sleeping with a young boy. Ok well, I see that on the news everytime a kiddie porn ring is busted. They didn't show anything. They just imply that it happened. Blood/Violence: there is some violence and some pretty intense scenes but there is literally no blood or gore. You see people get shot and hit in the head with a crowbar and have acid poured into their eyes but you don't actually see any of the gore. Intense yes. Take a child to see it no. But I do remember watching an episode or 60 of 24 where Jack Bauer more than implies that he killed some dude by biting his jugular vein. I mean come on. Point = TV shows are more intense than this. Drugs/Alcohol etc. again TV is worse or equal to what was seen in this movie. I mean couldn't they have just put a Parental Discretion is advised instead of slapping an R rating on there just because it was made by Danny Boyle?

Wow. Ok rating rant over. The movie is a very charming story about two young brothers living in the slums of India who lose their mother and are forced to fend for themselves. It is also a love story about one of the brother's quest to reunite with a girl they meet who also has no parents. The way the story is told is interesting. We get to see the main character Jamal on the Indian version of the show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire answering all kinds of questions and at the same time he explaining how he knew the answers to the questions to a police chief who is trying to get him to confess to cheating. Each question leads to a flashback which is where the main story comes in. It is a very creative story and I thought very well crafted. While the actual elements are quite text book, (hero starts at home, goes on a quest, has adventures and whatnot, rescues the princess from the evil dragon, etc. whatever) but since when is that kind of a story not welcome? I like stories with happy endings. I don't think there is any hidden political agenda in the movie. I don't think Danny Boyle is naive or pompous or trying to talk down to anyone. I think he just wanted to tell an interesting engaging story about three very likeable characters who are trying to deal with life, but in a very different setting than a lot of people are used to. Its kind of like Oliver Twist meets Homer's Odyssey meets [insert love story here] in India. I knew what the 20 million rupee question was going to be from the second he gets whacked over the head with the book in the beginning by the way, but the predictability of the movie doesn't take away from its enjoyment because it doesn't try to present itself as a movie that trying to keep you guessing or surprise you with intricate plot twists.

Great there I go. I haven't even read the hater's posts yet and I'm still defending the show based on what I'm sure they are all saying. Well whatever. I give the movie a 10. It deserved Best Picture of 2008.

DJ Earworm Mashups

So I found out about this guy that does song remix/mash-ups and posts them for free on his site. I highly recommend that anyone who likes music (especially dance music but not limited to) go check out his site and download some songs. The link is http://djearworm.com/. I especially enjoy "Gimme Freaks" (Rolling Stones "Gimme Shelter" and Moguai & Tocadisco "Freaks"), "Intergalactic Human" (Beastie Boys "Intergalactic" and Daft Punk "Human After All"), "Together As One" (U2 "One", Beatles "Come Together", Diana Ross "Someday We'll Be Together", and Mariah Carey "We Belong Together", yeah...), "No One Takes Your Freedom" (Scissor Sisters "Take Your Mama Out", Beatles "For No One", George Michael "Freedom '90", and Aretha Franklin "Think (Freedom)"), "Lemon Lucy" (Elton John "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (Beatles cover)" and Lemon Jelly "Come"), and so many others. Now typically I HATE Hip Hop type music that rips off old songs and turns them into a rap song with a bunch of hoes dancing around in gold bikinis and crap but that is not what this is at all. Nothing has been done to violate the original songs in anyway. I mean some of these songs actually take individual songs that I hate and make me love them in context of the mash-up! If you like techno or electronica type music at all I'm pretty sure you'll like this (think Moby... kind of).

No Line On The Horizon review

I'll begin by saying that in the past couple years, after the How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb hype died out and U2 began to just show up occasionally to do a duet with Green Day or Mary J. Blige, I have been less impressed with some of the new songs. "The Saints Are Coming" was a joke of a song that was only good to raise money for Hurricane Katrina victims from mindless fans like me who bought it anyway. And "Windows in the Skies" or whatever it was called was alright but I honestly haven't listened to it since I bought the album of 18 songs that I already have on four other U2 compilation cds. And then there was U23D which was an awesome cinematic experience, but musically was about as boring as any other U2 featured documentary since 2003 has been (which basically means it was 90% songs that I can hear at any time of the day or night on the radio instead of some of the great classic songs that you don't often hear live anymore). Then, about a month or so ago the new single was released. Get On Your Boots gave me flashbacks to the first time I heard the song Vertigo. I liked the excitement I felt when hearing it but I didn't like the song at all. Kind of lame, nothing special, etc. Needless to say, I bought this album, mind you as a HUGE U2 fan, but with somewhat low expectations and even some hesitation and anxiety that my days as a fan of all and everything U2 might be at an end.

I am indeed happy to say that this is not the case :)

No Line On The Horizon, after one listen, has already proven itself to me as a good album. I don't know at this point whether it will become a favorite but I will say that with HTDAAB and ATYCLB, other than a couple songs, I only pretended to love them in the beginning before they slowly grew on me as an album. The difference with NLOTH is that each and every song fits prefectly into place in context of the album. HTDAAB was an incredible album in this manner but the difference between it and NLOTH is that I still hate the song Vertigo and I do not think it belongs on that or anyother album for that matter. In contrast, Get On Your Boots fits perfectly on NLOTH in context of the album and I actually find myself enjoying the song.

Enough comparison. As a standalone album, ignoring this band's amazing musical history, NLOTH is a very good album with enough catchy songs that I immediately enjoy. Specifically I enjoy the songs "Magnificent", "White As Snow", and "Breathe". There were others but those are the three that I remember for certain after just one listen that I especially enjoyed. Unfortunately I don't think the album measures up to the status of Achtung Baby or Joshua Tree or even Pop for that matter*. And with that, my rating for NLOTH is 4/5 stars.

*=Unlike a large majority of people, I really like the album Pop, I give it 5 out of 5 stars. Therefore me thinking Pop is better than NLOTH is not a commentary on NLOTH being so low in quality that it doesn't even match up to Pop.

My Review of Seven Pounds. Best movie I've seen in years ***Spoilers***

This movie is definitely not one of those you want to go see if you don't like "depressing" movies. I put quotes there because I know a lot of people who use that classification for any movie that is specifically designed to make you feel sober and reflective at the end. They usually tend to have bittersweet endings. I think its interesting that so many people take this attitude and refuse to go see these types of movies yet you look at the types of shows that have lasted through the ages and a LOT of them are tragedies. Oedipus Rex, Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, Citizen Kane, etc. My point I guess is that just because the hero dies doesn't mean its a bad movie. In fact it usually drives the point home to the audience. I have nothing against happy endings but sometimes its nice to see a show that really makes me reflect on my own life and inspire me to want to be better. Well "Seven Pounds" is just that type of show.

The show is about a man who spends the last few weeks of his life searching for deserving beneficiaries of his vital organs. His eyes, his heart, his liver, bone marrow, even his beach house. There are a number of story lines but the two prominent ones are those of Ezra, a blind vegan jewish meat salesman, and Emily, a single woman with a big dog who suffers from heart troubles and has a rare blood type. We follow Ben Thomas on his quest for redemption and watch him struggle, especially after he falls in love with Emily and is forced with the decision of staying alive in order to be with her or go through with hi plan and save her life.

The movie gives you only enough information along the way so that you don't figure out exactly what circumstances have led Ben to make the decision to do what he does until the end of the movie when the beneficiaries find out themselves. This method of writing seems to make me as a viewer among one of the beneficiaries as well. At first I am unsure what to think of him when he very harshly insults the blind call center employee and goes around doing IRS audits of various individuals with medical problems. As we learn more we soon find out that he is not an IRS agent and is only interested in finding people to help.

On a personal note, I have had a number of people close to me pass away and have their organs donated, the closest being my sister. The final scene in which Emily and Ezra meet was extremely powerful for me as I couldn't help putting myself in Emily's place and react to seeing the eyes of someone I dearly love through someone else. Seven Pounds is a must see in my book and I give it a 10 out of 10.

Commonwealth and the Latter Day Saints

by Brandon Burrup

Introduction:
How much are religious beliefs and political beliefs interlinked? Philosophers throughout the ages have suggested many ideas about how man should govern himself and how governments should rule over men; however, none of these philosophers have been able to come up with a system that is without flaw. One such philosopher is Thomas Hobbes who wrote extensively on these topics in his book Leviathan. In the second part of this book, entitled Commonwealth, Hobbes defines a system of government in which a group of men make a covenant with each other to submit their wills to a sovereign ruler who acts as a figure of their collective will. When compared with the Latter Day Saint (LDS) church’s beliefs, there are similarities to Hobbes and there are differences. This essay will attempt to compare LDS views of government to those found in Hobbes’ writings by discussing first the differences, next the similarities, and the evidence of Hobbes’ theories in LDS scripture.

Differences:
The first thing one must understand when discussing government and the LDS people is that religion and politics are two different things, whereas Hobbes appears to refer to them synonymously. Hobbes’ definition of a commonwealth is:

“…when a multitude of men do agree, and covenant, every one with every one, that to whatsoever man, or assembly of men, shall be given by the major part the right to present the person of them all, that is to say, to be their representative; every one, as well he that voted for it as he that voted against it, shall authorize all the actions and judgements of that man, or assembly of men, in the same manner as if they were his own, to the end to live peaceably amongst themselves, and be protected against other men.” (Hobbes, Ch 18 para 1)

This is very different from the way the U.S government is run and the way the LDS believe it should be. Hobbes’ definition seems to allow for a way into a commonwealth but no way out other than death.

He also demonstrates that he believes that a sovereign receives the authority of God to rule over those in the commonwealth. This is shown in his statement that a sovereign becomes a “mortal god, under that immortal God” and also in what he says about men who try to break the covenant they enter into under commonwealth under the argument that they have a higher covenant with God. In that regard he states:

“And whereas some men have pretended for their disobedience to their sovereign a new covenant, made, not with men but with God, this also is unjust: for there is no covenant with God but by mediation of somebody that representeth God's person, which none doth but God's lieutenant who hath the sovereignty under God.” (Hobbes, Ch 18 para 3)

This shows that he is of the opinion that one receives divine authority through popular consent.

Compare these ideas to what the LDS scriptures and the Articles of Faith state about civil government. The twelfth article of faith states, “We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.” (Articles of Faith 1.12) This does not appear to be completely contradictory to Hobbes’ views, but if we look a little deeper we can see a distinct difference. In Doctrine and Covenants section 134, Joseph Smith clearly outlines the church’s perspective on what a temporal government should do. Outlined in the section heading are the following points: governments should preserve freedom of conscience and worship, all men should uphold their governments and owe respect and deference to the law, religious societies should not exercise civil powers, and men are justified in defending themselves and their property (D&C 134). These show that the LDS church believes in supporting and sustaining civil government but at the same time reserve the right to preserve personal property. This implies that we should support leaders but not fully submit to them.

Verse 9 of this section shows how the LDS perspective of the authority of civil government is different from Hobbes’. It reads:

“We do not believe it just to mingle religious influence with civil government, whereby one religious society is fostered and another proscribed in its spiritual privileges, and the individual rights of its members, as citizens, denied.” (D&C 134.9)

This shows clearly that the LDS do not believe that religion should be a part of civil government. This includes the act of covenanting to uphold a leader and also the idea that by so covenanting we are bestowing not just our will but the will of God as well to that leader. In respect to divine authority the LDS belief is best summarized through the fifth article of faith which says that men only receive divine authority by the laying on of hands by those who are already in authority (Articles of Faith 1.5).

There is also evidence that the LDS do not agree with Hobbes’ idea of having a sole leader over the people. In Mosiah chapter 29, King Mosiah explains to his subjects the reason why it is not fit for a king to rule over the people. He tells them that if it were possible to always have just men rule over them, then it would be good to have a king, but because kings are not always righteous it is better to be ruled by the voice of the people. Hobbes has the right idea when he says that it is necessary that a sovereign be just and truly represent the will of the people, but the problem with this idea is, as Mosiah says, that the sovereign is not always just. If the sovereign is not just then the people are stuck with him according to Hobbes, because they have made a covenant to uphold him. We see that Hobbes and Mosiah follow a similar thought process, but come to different conclusions.

Similarities:
There are some LDS beliefs that are similar to Hobbes’ in the way the LDS church is governed and the relationship church members have with God and with their leaders. In short it would appear that Hobbes’ ideas of civil government are best applied to the way the LDS church is run.

Hobbes outlines the importance of covenants in speaking about the rights of a sovereign. He says that by joining together under a covenant, it is the right of the sovereign to punish them if they should break their part of the covenant and try to leave. This same idea is seen in the church. Once one goes through the covenants and ordinances to become a member, if they then leave the church and are unfaithful to those covenants, their punishment will be far greater than it would have been had they not entered into the covenant in the first place. (Hobbes, Ch 18 para 4)

Another idea of Hobbes’ that seems to reflect LDS doctrine is the nature of man. Hobbes lists our natural passions as “partiality, pride, revenge, and the like.” Hobbes believes that the natural man will serve himself and no one else. In the Book of Mormon, the natural man is described as an enemy to God. Hobbes says that the only way to put off natural tendencies is for us to covenant into a commonwealth under a sovereign power. Mosiah urges us to put off the natural man by making a covenant to submit our will to God. (Mosiah 3.19) This underlines the main difference between Hobbes’ ideas and LDS doctrine. The LDS believe in Hobbes’ theories as applied to their relationship with divine authority and God, but they do not apply it to civil government as Hobbes does.

Hobbes’ Theories in the Book of Mormon:
The Book of Mormon has many examples of ideas that come up in Hobbes’ writings. It is interesting to see how these philosophies were a part of the culture and political ideology of many groups in the Book of Mormon and are even important doctrines of the ancient church.

One example is in Alma chapter 54. The king of the Lamanites speaks to Moroni who is a captain of the Nephites, and tells him that Moroni’s fathers robbed his fathers of their right to the government and for this reason they are at war. (Alma 54.17-18) This shows the importance that the Lamanites gave to the rights of sovereignty just as Hobbes explores in his writings. Hobbes says that the sovereignty has the right to wage war against any who would try to take its power. (Hobbes, Ch 18 para 4) The Lamanites use this idea to justify their own war.

Later on in 3 Nephi, we see how the disintegration of government leads back to a state that Hobbes describes before the commonwealth. Notice the similarity between the following passages—

Passage 1: “And in all places, where men have lived by small families, to rob and spoil one another has been a trade, and so far from being reputed against the law of nature that the greater spoils they gained, the greater was their honour; and men observed no other laws therein but the laws of honour; that is, to abstain from cruelty, leaving to men their lives and instruments of husbandry. And as small families did then; so now do cities and kingdoms, which are but greater families (for their own security), enlarge their dominions upon all pretences of danger, and fear of invasion, or assistance that may be given to invaders; endeavour as much as they can to subdue or weaken their neighbours by open force, and secret arts, for want of other caution, justly; and are remembered for it in after ages with honour.” (Hobbes, Ch 17 para 1)

Passage 2: “And the people were divided one against another; and they did separate one from another into tribes, every man according to his family and his kindred and friends; and thus they did destroy the government of the land.
And it came to pass in the thirty and first year that they were divided into tribes, every man according to his family, kindred and friends; nevertheless they had come to an agreement that they would not go to war one with another; but they were not united as to their laws, and their manner of government, for they were established according to the minds of those who were their chiefs and their leaders. But they did establish very strict laws that one tribe should not trespass against another, insomuch that in some degree they had peace in the land...” (3 Nephi 7.14)

The similarity is uncanny. In Hobbes statement he describes how, without a commonwealth, men work as families or groups to protect themselves and the passage in 3 Nephi shows how this actually occurred in Nephite history.

Conclusion:
Hobbes and Mosiah are an interesting pair to compare. Both agree that the natural man is self serving and fights against good principles. Both understand that the only way to overcome these natural tendencies is to enter into a covenant with a sovereign ruler. Both also can see the benefits of having just rulers over people who serve them according to the laws of God. Both believe in the importance of honoring covenants. The difference between Hobbes and Mosiah is that Mosiah’s beliefs in these regards are applied toward man’s relationship with God and not a civil leader. In this sense the LDS church is quite different from Hobbes while agreeing with his underlying principles as applied to religion.

for further reference:
LDS Scriptures
Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes