"You took my 'nads!" My review of Gentlmen Broncos

What a great movie. Don't expect anything too special in ways of cinematography or complex deep meaning in the plot. Expect really stupid humor and lots of gonad and poop jokes. That is what is so great about it! A movie that can actually show reality just like it is. A bunch of really awkward people behaving awkwardly, showing over the top quirks, and pretending to be someone they're not because who they are is just too depressing. Michael Angarano stars as Benjamin, a kid from a small town in Utah who is an aspiring Science Fiction author. He has written a novella based on his father and, well, yeast. And flying cyborg deer with lasers and missiles. He attends a scifi aspiring author's convention where he meets his one of his heroes. Jemaine Clemens does an awesome job as the self centered, extremely spacey science fiction writer Ronald Chevalier. On the trip he also meets some new friends. One a girl who quickly becomes infatuated with Benjamin and her friend who is a big time producer in his own garage studio. Intertwined into this story are live action scenes from Benjamin's prize novella "Yeast Lords" starring Sam Rockwell as Bronco, who's gonads have been stolen from him for some reason I still don't quite understand. I won't give away much more of the movie. I'll just give you a list of a few of my favorite scenes.

1) The hand massage on the bus (NOBODY! needs that much lotion).
2) Chevalier giving his lecture on how to make better character names (Broncanus)
3) Chevalier revealing the never before seen 47 alternate book cover art from his original series "The Cyborg Harpies", especially the mammary cannons shooting laser rain
4) Chevalier revealing the never before heard lyrics to the Harpie Queen's lullaby
5) Movie trailer of the love story between Benjamin and the crazy girl (Fatal Attraction anyone?)
6) The vomit kiss... need I say more?
7) Benjamin's new guardian angel arrives with the pooping snake.
8) Ben's mother trying to cram his popcorn car through the jail bars.
9) The alternate ending (Chavalier's version) of Brutus and Balzaak.
10) The final battle scene of Yeast Lords!

Finally, I saved this one for last because it is my favorite part of the movie, Ben fights back. Taking out the guy with the poop needle and punching Chevalier with the miniature souvenir pillow. It was nice to see the poor kid finally stand up for himself and those people important to him. Needless to say, I highly recommend this film to anyone in the mood for a good lighthearted comedy with a fun story and likable characters. By the way, I'll go ahead and throw this in because I was reminded of it by Lonnie's movies. There really are people out there that make movies that bad. Go here. I personally recommend starting out with "She Hulk". As for Gentleman Broncos, I give a 10 out of 10.

U2 Booed off stage in Utah is a false rumor!

I can't believe how happy I am. All this time I thought the rumor was true. For those of you not from Utah you may not know but there is a rumor among Utahns that during the War Tour in 1983, U2 came to Utah and was booed off the stage and for this reason there was a U2 curse. They didn't return to play in Utah after that concert until 1997. Well I am happy to announce, thanks to the comments from people who were actually at the concert over at www.u2gigs.com, that this is a lie! There is no Utah hate in U2's heart. Although, there is still the fact that they never play here. I mean seriously 5 concerts in 30 years? 5 out of 1,538 total shows ever? I mean I know Salt Lake isn't exactly LA or Vegas but you have at least enough fans here to sell out your shows within the first 5 minutes of selling. Here are a few reason why I personally think U2 doesn't frequent our wonderful state as often. First of all the only city that really makes sense to come to in Utah is Salt Lake. The highest population and if you do it anywhere else in Utah like say St George, you are closer to somewhere with a lot more people and might as well just go there (ie Vegas). Second of all, Salt Lake itself is relatively close to other cities with big shows also. California, Denver, Vegas, Phoenix. They are all car trips sure but hey some people go tour Europe with the band over a summer vacation like they were The Grateful Dead or something. Rich brats anyway. The stupid chick in Taken should have taken (no pun intended) me with her and not some useless girlfriend who would die after getting kidnapped. If I had been there they would have ignored us and we'd have enjoyed a month or two of great concerts. Anyway! Third reason, Utah has a severe lack of decent venues that are willing to cater to a large Band like U2. The only logical option for an indoor concert in Utah is the Delta Center which seats about 20,000. Problem with the Delta Center? Can't. Hear. Crap. This venue of basketball games has the worst acoustics for concerts. They still have many concerts there yes and when U2 does come this is where they play, but I almost hate to go to a show there just because I know the sound is going to be so terrible that most of my enjoyment is going to be from just being there rather than from hearing the songs. What are some alternative venue options in Utah? Well first of all, it is important to note that there are some outdoor venues in Utah but seeing as how they typically come around here in the winter, outdoor concerts aren't a great idea. They might still work though I mean look at the Live at Red Rocks concert. It was raining then.

Indoor Options:
E-Center (10,700 seating capacity)
Only half the seating capacity

Marriot Center (22,700 seating capacity)
OMG are you serious? That's even bigger than the Delta Center! Oh wait. BYU doesn't "do" concerts. In fact BYU doesn't "do" anything that doesn't directly relate to BYU.

Hunstman Center (17,000 seating capacity)
So what about our friends up north? They've got a basketball stadium too. I actually went to my very first concert to see Collective Soul at this venue. Of course I've since seen them at much smaller venues also. The only thing I see wrong with this one is it seats 3000 less than the Delta Center. Keep in mind that I don't konw anything about how much these venues charge bands to come in and play either. Could also be that with fewer seats and the UofU maybe charging more than Delta Center to play here that we'd be doubling the ticket prices. Maybe not too. I just don't know.

McCay Events Center (seating capacity 8000)
Saw Muse here. Had my graduation ceremony here. The sizes just get worse for indoor venues in Utah.

Outdoor Options:
Lavell Edwards Stadium (seating capacity around 64,000)
Definitely the best option. But again... BYU. The only way U2 is getting into this stadium to play a show is if they come for Stadium of Fire which would be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Rice Eccles Stadium (seating capacity around 45,000)
Decent second option. And hey they played here before during Popmart.

Sandy Stadium (seating capacity 20,000)
Yeah probably not doing it here if Rice Eccles is available.

Usana Ampitheatre (seating capacity 20,000)
This is a better choice if neither Lavell or Rice Eccles is available.

Salt Lake Bees Stadium (seating capacity 15,500)
I'm sure they could fit a lot more people out onto that field though.

Anyway, thats about it. U2 just doesn't like coming to Utah when they can probably make a lot more money by going to Vegas or Denver and just having us saps drive out there to see them instead.